Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
