thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
