he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
