You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
