so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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