his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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