My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
