Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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