At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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