I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
