girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
