Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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