Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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