It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
