You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
