It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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