He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
