The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
