What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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