Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
