Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The uberlube is also flammable
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
