I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
