I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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