Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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