Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
