She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
