Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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