i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
