He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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