you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
