Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
