I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
