i already hear my dad disowning me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All the doctor said was why
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
