have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
