Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
