Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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