Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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