If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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