:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
