Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize