remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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