they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
