dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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