Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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