I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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