We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
