I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize