he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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