he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
