you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
