There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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