At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
