U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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