well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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