It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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