it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
