I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just invented taco cereal.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
