Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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